Celebrate 18 July (in poor taste)

Tonight, why not host a Chappaquiddick Party? Invite several young, attractive people who have achieved great success in life by doing nothing more than trading on their name. Serve drinks and appetizers and talk in a hoity-toity New England accent. In honor of the senior Senator from Massachusetts, at around midnight, throw one of the girls into the swimming pool with a toy car. In honor of Mary Jo Kopechne, the girl he drowned in a case of involuntary manslaughter for which he was never punished, you should also help get the girl out of the swimming pool before she drowns.