30 August 2007

Where's the high?

I responded to my discharge paperwork today. I don't plan to fight the discharge, although there were some issues that arose today while I was researching the matter that made me briefly consider it. I'll describe it all later. So... Tuesday I'll turn in my resignation. That'll get transmitted to someone high up the chain o' command, who'll approve it (presumably), and then it'll come back down to Earth and somebody at the personnel side of things will punch the necessary buttons and a few days later I'll be a free man.

Why does it feel like I'm being let out of prison? Where's the high? Where's the joy? If anything I feel even more depressed about upcoming season than I did when I thought I'd be stuck in the service. What's wrong? I don't get it. I feel like I'm being shoved unceremoniously out the door with one boot firmly planted on my behind. I'm getting no help, no transition support, no severance package, no assistance of any kind from an employer for whom I did everything they asked for six years. But they decided I wasn't right for them, and fine, I want out too... but I just feel like... I don't know. I'm getting absolutely no appreciation for what I did do. It's like they're telling me my service isn't worth the same as other people's. I don't deserve a hand on the way out the door because... why, exactly? I still don't understand the rationale. And yet people who've served less time than I have are taking huge separation packages to leave and they're still qualified pilots... and once I go, they'll realize their calculations were in error and now they'll be a short a pilot or two in my year group. Because they were too stupid to figure that out earlier.

Huh. I was prepared to walk away head held high, victorious. Instead I feel like I've been shamed.

It makes me hate them all the more.

1 comment:

Rambling Speech said...

That's the organization. My friend's husband left due to medical reasons (that was CAUSED by the organization). Not only was there shaming, there was a prolonged paperwork trail with repeated shaming.

But he's out. He's moved forward. He loves his current job. It's as if the previous one was just a bad dream. He's not quite laughing at it, but he does shake his head in a rueful way uses it as a gold standard for measuring bumps in the road.

Look forward. You did a good job. They're not allowed to acknowledge it because of the organization. We can.